Will he commit?

Will he commit? If you are in a stage of your life where you want a meaningful connection and a real commitment flowing from that connection, you need to be able to recognize a partner that is right for you.

Asking yourself: Will he commit?
Wouldn’t it be great if we were able to take a little peek into the brain of the object of our affections to see whether he is commitment-material or not? Will he commit to me and this relationship? Just think how much time and heartache you can save yourself if you knew …

Luckily for us: there are ways to figure out if he will commit to you before you become too deeply involved.

You can figure out if he will commit to you. Start by delving into his history. Your goal is to figure out if he has a history of being stable, responsible and acting with integrity. Does he set goals for himself, stick with it and actually reach it? Does he plan for the future? Is there a clear behavior pattern of committing to various aspects of his life?

Here are some questions you can ask and warning signs you can look out for to know if he has commitment issues:

Living situation

Where do you live?
How long have you being living there?
What is the longest time you have lived in one place?
How do you get on with your neighbors/landlord?
Is he house-proud?

If he has been hopping from place to place, having trouble getting on with his neighbors, always renting never buying, you can deduce that this man won’t be hasty to put down roots with you. A love commitment will be difficult for him.

Be careful not to judge him on one negative answer he gives you, nobody’s perfect and sometimes life just happens, rather look for repeated patterns in his behavior. Don’t be silly enough to convince yourself that you will be the one that will change him and transform him magically into something he is obviously not.


Relationship history

How long did your previous relationship last?
How did it end? Did you part on friendly/civil terms?
How long did your longest relationship last?
Does he have friendships that lasted for many years?
Does he actively maintain those relationships?
Does he have pets? Or plants?
Does he maintain family relationships?

His answers to the above questions will give you an indication if he is able and willing to maintain a long term relationship and able to commit to you. If he is clearly unable to maintain a relationship for more that 3 months, can’t manage to keep a plant alive for longer than a week or his pets are sad-looking and neglected, you have your answer. A past scattered with broken hearts and angry lovers is the alarm bell telling you to move on. Will he commit to your? NO!

He is a keeper if you can see a consistent pattern of well maintained relationships with romantic partners, friends and even pets and plants. Will he commit? YES!

Friendships

Is he part of a very close knit group of friends?
Are all his after-hours activities connected with his friendships?
Does he have a separate identity from his friends?
Does he always talk about “we” and not “I”?

If he is part of a very tight group, he is already getting all his companionship and emotional needs met by his circle – there will be no real space for you unless you are prepared to become part of the we-experience and not the us-experience.

You want to look out for someone that has a handful (or less) close friends, who has a life and identity that is separate from his friendships and who has space and need for a quality connection with you! Only then will he commit to you.

Inspiration

How many of your friends are married?
Are they happy being married?
Were your parents marriage happy?

We are influenced by those around us, and tend to mix with people that live, act and think the same way as we do. The same thinking can be linked to commitment. If most of the people in his close circle are in long term, committed relationships and he is comfortable with that, he will want the same for himself. Chances are that being surrounded with his friends will act as a gentle form of pressure on him to commit to somebody.







To learn more about finding Mr Right, go to:

Is he Mr Right?
Will he be a good parent?
Will he treat me well?
Does he have personality flaws?

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