Why does love hurt

by Michelle
(California)

At the beginning of a relationship everything goes well, but as soon as I start believing we're heading somewhere the relationship falls apart.
Am I choosing the wrong men, or am I too affectionate or easy to manipulate?
I'm now too scared to even start another relationship because I'm so badly hurt every time it goes wrong.
What is wrong with me?


My answer:

I'm sorry that you are in pain, and will try to answer you even though you didn't give a lot of information:

You dearly want to be in a relationship and that may be coming over as clinginess. Put yourself in your partner's shoes:

You meet and he thinks: WOW! He wants to spend time with you and want more of you. You reciprocate with lots of affection and attention. You accept everything about him. A couple of weeks later reality steps in and what seemed the first flush of love is starting to feel suffocating to him. He withdraws a little and you go after him. He withdraw even more and you shower him with questions, more affection, little gestures of love. He is now asking himself: why is she so desperate for me? and moves away.

How can you set this right? Start by loosening your hold on him. Develop a full life of your own. Spend more time with friends and family, start a hobby, join the gym. Find out who you are as a person. Don't make a man the total focus of who you are. Let him be a part of who you are, but not your everything. Keep it healthy and balanced.

Consider working on your self esteem by developing a stronger sense of self - this section may help you with this: How to Build Self Esteem

Don't give up - true love is out there for you!