When he drinks

by Penny

I was married to a alcoholic and had a very bad time. Have been with my bf for almost a year. He is usually very understanding and considerate about not drinking and how he deals with me around drinking issues.

Last night we had friends over and he become drunk, rude and nasty. I were very upset but said nothing. During the night he wet himself in his sleep and this morning he is going along as if nothing happened.

I'm horrified, feel sick and want to get away as far as I can. How should I handle this?


My answer:

It must have been such a shock for you to find yourself in that kind of situation again. Feeling like running away from it is perfectly normal but you will need to decide how to deal with this before you start running :)

You need to draw a very firm line in the sand for yourself. You decide how someone treats you, what is acceptable and when you need to walk away. You are the master of your own life.

Consider sitting him down and talking very calmly but firmly with him about this. He must have no doubt in his mind that you won't allow him (or anybody) to treat you like this. Make sure that he knows that this behavior can not be repeated and if things even vaguely go in that direction you will leave.

This is not unreasonable since he should treat you with respect at all times. Drinking and becoming rude is not respectful to you or himself. Without becoming emotional (yes, it will be hard to do this calmly) tell him how deeply this affected you and that this kind of behavior changes how you see him and deeply damages your relationship.

Listen to his side, be understanding but never waver on that line you are drawing in the sand. Expecting your bf not to become drunk is not unreasonable.

I really hope you can work this out.