Trouble with Dogs

by Animal Lover
(USA)

My boyfriend has trouble being around my dog. He was bitten as a child and developed a phobia. It would be fine if he just wanted to run into the other room, but he has more of the "fight" response than the "flight." He seems to just want to see dogs punished and put in their place as the lowest animal.

This really scared me at first, but I've observed him with other animals and can see that this only happens with dogs. I think he may also be especially jealous of my dog because he views it as fighting with her for my attention. The only part that still scares me is that he totally misreads dog body language. He knows he has a problem and has admitted that I'm right when I tell him things about the true meaning of her behaviors.

I'm not too worried about what would happen to my dog if we got married because she could stay with my parents. Should I be concerned about his ability to love and understand? Will he be ok with children?


My answer:

It seems that you have already dealt with this in your own mind by realizing that he has a problem with dogs (but not other animals) and that the solution will be for your parents to look after your dog.

I would like you to take this a little bit further by asking you to think on this: How is he dealing with this problem? Does he recognize that he has a problem and is he taking responsibility by trying to change or adapt his behavior? Is he dealing with this problem with integrity? Is this an isolated issue that is focused only on dogs or are there other areas in his life that are problematic? Will he be prepared to get help? The way he deals with this problem will be a indicator of how well he will deal with other problems.

Keep in mind that most people have something they have a problem with: spiders, dark rooms, ext.) Being uncomfortable/fearful about something is ok, the way it is expressed and dealt with is the issue.

Read this regarding children and never ignore your inner voice.