Should I leave?

by Tiffany

I live with my bf. The last year our finances suffered a lot and we are scared that we will loose our house. The stress has caused us to to fight a lot and lately he has been shuffing me into things or against the wall and also leaving marks on my arms.

He is always very sorry afterward and tries to make up for it. He once blamed me for it by saying that I hit him first. I only slapped him to try to get him to snap out of it and to return to normal.

He is usually a very caring and loving partner and we get on very well. What should I do? Is this the beginning of an abusive situation? It would be very hard to leave him since I truly love him and see him as my life partner.


My answer:

It is so sad when a good thing turns bad. Yes, this is the beginning of an abusive pattern and you do need to stop it now, immediately. Do not wait for the next fight, do it now!

If you want to try to save the relationship, go to counseling together and learn how to deal with stress, how to communicate during conflict and how to be supportive when things are bad. It may still be possible to turn things around if you both get help and work hard at it.

If you are not up for getting outside help or can't stick to doing the work that goes with it, my advice is to leave now. Rather deal with the pain of breaking up now than having to deal with trying to survive an abusive partner that will harm you physically and emotionally.

Use your head, you know what is right. You wouldn't have ask the question if you didn't already knew you were in over your head. Be strong and do the right thing. The rest of you live depends on this.