Mother jokes

Enjoy this selection of funny mother jokes and mother in law jokes.

One evening, a young woman came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Anthony proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell."

Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him just how wrong he is."

Two lifeguards are working together on a beach when one of them notices sharks circling a woman who has drifted out a little too far. He begins to get up to race to her rescue when the other lifeguard grabs his arm and holds him back.

The first lifeguard says: "Why are you holding me back? We have to go save that woman!"

To which the other replies, "Don't worry. That woman is my mother-in-law."

"Are you trying to kill her?"

"Although the idea may be tempting, that is not my intent. Just watch."

With that, the sharks organized themselves beneath the woman, and ride her on their backs all the way to shore, safely depositing her.

"What in the world gave you the notion that would happen," asked the first lifeguard.

"Professional courtesy!"

A man met a wonderful woman and became engaged to her. He called his mother to share his good news with her. He arranged to have dinner with his mother that evening so that she could meet his fiancee. When he arrived at her home, he brought along three women - a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead.

His mother inquired as to why he had brought THREE women, instead of just one. He replied that he wanted to see if his mother would be able to guess which one of the women was her future daughter-in-law.

She looked at each one carefully and then replied: "It's the redhead." "How could you possibly have figured that out so quickly?" he inquired.

She coldly replied, "Because I can't stand HER."

She and her teeth doesn't sleep together anymore.

She looks like her driver's license picture when she wakes up.

Her idea of weight lifting is standing up.

She give up all her bad habits and still doesn't feel better.

She sank her teeth into a steak – and they stayed there.

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