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Jokes about marriage
Husband-wife jokes
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
A man inserted an ad in the classified: "Wife wanted." Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.
"Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.
"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
"He said you're going to die," she replied.
Silent Treatment ...
It was a Saturday evening and Joseph and his wife, Ann, had just gotten into their third argument of the day and both were now giving each other the "silent treatment," vowing not to be the first one to speak.
However, at bedtime, Joseph realized that he would need his wife, who always awoke at 4:30am to wake him at 5:00am to get ready for an early morning golf session with his buddies. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and thus lose the "battle"), Joseph wrote on a piece of paper, "Ann, please wake me at 5:00am."
The next morning, Joseph woke up at 9am, having missed his tee time with his friends. Furious, Joseph was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him when he noticed a piece of paper on his nightstand.
