Jokes about being late

Jokes about being late and the silly excuses we use to explain why we are late.

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After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, the young lady decided she had been stood up. She changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and resigned herself to an evening of TV.

No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV than her doorbell rang. There stood her date.

He took one look at her and gasped, “I’m two hours late . . . and you’re still not ready?”

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Really bad excuses for being late for a date:

It rained hard on my side of town last night and my doors swelled up so I couldn’t get out ..…

My dog ate my car keys and I had to follow him around for like 2 hours ….

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Actual School Excuse Notes:

    • My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
    • Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
    • Please excuse me for being absent last week. I am in pursuing my life’s dream and training to become a Master Burger Flipper at McDonald’s.
    • Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
    • Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
    • Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
    • John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
    • Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
    •  Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
    • Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.
    • I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don’t know what size she wear.
    • Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
    • Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
    • My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
    • Please excuse Bob from school from Sep. 1 – Nov. 1, he had to attend a religious sacrificial giving ceremony on Indian grounds.
    • My brother used this in real life…”the only reason that I do bad in school is because I’m near and far sighted.”
    • I didn’t come to school yesterday because I was feeling like I was going to be sick, but thankfully I wasn’t!
    • Please excuse my daughter for being late. Her broom won’t start so I had to send it back to Salem for repairs!
    • I’m sorry but my baby sitter flushed my homework down the toilet.
    • I’m sorry Tyler can’t go to school today because his hormones are raging.

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Go to my: List of jokes for more clean funny jokes!