Intimate questions to ask your partner

A list of intimate questions you can ask your partner to help you to figure out how your partner thinks and feel about intimate and personal matters.

It can be very difficult to ask your partner intimate questions or to get to know areas of their life that is personal. We tend to shy away from asking these questions and rather adopt a wait and see attitude.

The problem with this is that you can run into unpleasant surprises later on by avoiding personal issues now, and then will have great difficulties dealing with things that are not acceptable for you.

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 Use the following list of intimate questions to get to know your partner:


    • Are you someone who can show affection through verbal and physical means very easily?
    • How comfortable are you with showing affection in public?
    • Are you comfortable with your body and with being naked?
    • Should past sexual experiences be divulged to your current partner? Why?
    • How important is sex for you in a relationship?
    • How often would you like to have sex?
    • How do you deal with a “no” when wanting sex?
    • Are you comfortable initiating sex?
    • Do you enjoy and expect your partner to initiate sex?
    • What do you need to be in the mood for sex?
    • What is the importance of foreplay? Intimate questions to ask
    • What do you consider as foreplay?
    • What kind of sexual activities do you enjoy the most?
    • Are there sexual acts that make you uncomfortable?
    • How do you express yourself in an intimate situation?
    • How do you deal with intimate questions and conversations?
    • How do you communicate your wants and needs to your partner?
    • Do you like to experiment with new positions and settings?
    • What do you do to please your partner sexually?
    • What do you expect from your partner?
    • How do you feel about masturbation?
    • How do you feel about sex-toys?
    • What was the mind-set toward sex in your family? How did it impact on your attitude towards sex?
    • Who taught you about sex? Was it helpful or a hindrance?
    • Were you ever sexually abused or assaulted? How did it affect you?
    • Have you ever felt compelled to have sex for peace sake? Have you ever coerced your partner to have sex with you to keep the peace?
    • If you feel upset, do you use sex to try and help you feel better?
    • Do you use sex to communicate your love?
    • Is sexual fidelity important for you in a relationship?
    • Do you watch pornography?
    • Have you ever had sex with a person of the same sex?
  • Has sexual dissatisfaction ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

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  •  What is your most irritating personal habit?
  • What is your most selfish character trait?
  • When you disagree with your partner, do you tend to fight or withdraw?
  • Do you fight fair? How do you know?
  • How to you resolve conflict in a relationship?
  • What makes you angry? What do you do when you are really angry?
  • What makes you happy? What do you do when you are happy?
  • Are you a morning or a night person?
  • Do you judge people who have a different waking and sleeping clock than you?
  • How much sleep do you need?
  • How does you weekend routine differ from your weekday routine?
  • Do you like to be freshly showered and wearing clean clothes every day, without exception?
  • Do you consider yourself an easygoing person, or do you need a definite action plan?
  • How do you relax?
  • What replenishes your mind, body, and spirit?
  • What lifts you up during tough times?
  • What makes you feel the most alive?
  • What makes you most insecure? How do you handle your insecurities?
  • What makes you most secure?
  • What makes you most afraid?
  • What drains you of your joy and passion?
  • What is your most important emotional need?
  • What is your most important emotional want?
  • What is your greatest limitation?
  • What is your greatest strength?
  • How do you celebrate when something great happens?
  • How do you mourn when something bad happens?
  • What stands in the way of creating a passionate and caring relationship?
  • What do you need to do today to make your dream relationship real?
  • What is your favorite season of the year?

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  • How is your general health?
  • Do you take medication? Do you take supplements?
  • Do you have health and dental insurance?
  • Do you have any allergies?
  • Have you ever been seriously ill?
  • Have you ever been in a serious accident?
  • Have you ever had surgery?
  • Is there a history in your family of cancer, heart disease, or chronic illness?
  • Is your physical and emotional well-being a responsibility that you take very seriously?
  • Do you belong to a gym? Do you attend regularly?
  • Do you follow a healthy lifestyle? Exercise regularly? Eat healthily?
  • Have you ever suffered from an eating disorder?
  • Have you ever been in an abusive situation?
  • Have you ever been treated for emotional problems?
  • Do you see a therapist?
  • Do you smoke, or have you ever smoked?
  • Do you use recreational drugs?
  • How much alcohol do you drink every week?
  • Have you ever suffered from an addiction? Do you have an addictive personality?
  • Have you ever had a sexually transmitted disease?
  • Do you have a medical problem that affects your sex life? (erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, vaginal dryness, drug/alcohol addiction?)

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    • How old were you when you had your first crush on someone? Who was it?
    • Who was your first love? How did it end? How do you feel about it today?
    • What is the longest relationship you have ever had prior to this one? Why did it end and what did you learn from it?
    • Have you ever been engaged before and didn’t go through with it?
    • Have you ever chosen to live together instead of marrying? Why? What did you learn?
    • Are you divorced or widowed? How long ago did it happen? How do you think you handled the loss?
    • How soon did you start dating after that?
    • What did you do in your previous relationship that you are not proud of? What are the negatives that you tend to bring into a relationship?
    • What did you do in your previous relationship that you are proud of? What are the positives that you tend to bring into a relationship?
    • How much of your past relationships should you share with your current partner?
    • Do you tend to judge current partners on past relationships?
    • Have you ever sought couples counseling? What did you learn?
    • Do you have children from previous relationships? What is your relationship with them?
    • How will they fit in with your current relationship?
    • When thinking back on your past relationships, what caused you the most pain?
    • Do you harbor fears that the person you love might reject you or fall out of love with you?
    • Have you ever felt insecure in a relationship? Were you able to name your fear?
    • How do you deal with your own jealousy and the jealousy of your partner?
    • How to do you deal with conflict in a relationship?
    • In your view what should the man’s role in a relationship be?
    • In your view what should the woman’s role in a relationship be?
    • Do you need someone to be a certain physical type, before you feel attracted to them?
    • How important is your partners’ appearance?
    • Are you comfortable and happy with how you look?
    • If you could change anything about your appearance, what would you change?
    • What do you really like about your looks?
    • Do you keep up to date with the newest trends?
    • Do you visit salons on a regular basis?
    • Did you ever have any cosmetic surgery done?
    • How important are your weight to you?
    • How would you react if you or your partner gained a lot of weight?
    • How do you feel about getting older?
    • When you were a child, were you often complimented or shamed about your looks?
    • How will you react if your spouse lost a breast or limb?
  • Is your identity closely interwoven with your looks?

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Be brave and ask those intimate questions now to safe yourself from heartache later.

Yes, it is very difficult to talk about intimate and personal questions and issues, but talking about it now will open the channels of communication between you two and will make it easier for you in the long run.

Ask your intimate questions now so that you know what to expect!

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For more questions to ask your partner, go to:

Questions to start a conversation
Stupid questions to ask your partner
Questions to ask your boyfriend
Questions to ask your partner