I sabotage my relationships

by Kat
(United Kingdom)

I seem to go from one date to another and they end in the same way. I get anxious and insecure. The last one i saw five times but i seemed to be doing all the organising. I texed and said i was bored and let's move on...from then on he was cool with me but answered my text messages. The previous one i said would be better with a Doctor or lawyer as he liked money ....as a Teacher i am not wealthy. I am told i am attractive and have a good personality. But with men i ruin things and seem to choose men who do not want a relationship. So i give them a get out...which then effects my self esteem.

I know i am at fault and want to change , but don't know how. I repeat the same thing over and over. I am scared of opening up and getting hurt which i always do so. I have got to the point of worrying that whatever i say will be wrong. I consider myself a caring and kind person and this behaviour is making me lonely.

Thanks

Kat.



My answer:

I can really feel the pain shining through your question and my heart goes out to you. You dearly want to find love, but love is the one thing that brings you pain. This is a difficult situation but definitely not hopeless!

You have already taken the most important first step by acknowledging that "you" have a problem and need to change yourself before doing anything else.

Go to the relationship sabotage page to pinpoint your specific problem. Have a look at abandonment issues as well to see if anything there rings a bell for you.

From there move on to the overcoming low self esteem page to start the real work.

I must warn you that this is a process and won't be easy or quick. Go through the questions, be honest and really work at it.

You need to heal and value yourself first before tackling another relationship. I promise you it will make a difference and can turn things around for you.