Funny one line jokes

Funny one line jokes about dating, relationships and marriage to make you smile.

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.

My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, and so made sure that she would stay in better spirits night and day.

My opinions are my wife's, and she says I'm lucky to have them.

My other wife is beautiful.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have in-laws.

Why bother with marriage?
Just find a woman you hate and buy her a house.

A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted"
Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!"
Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Wife: "You delivered an excellent speech."
Hubby: "Thanks dear, but the audience was full of fools & idiots."
Wife: "Is that why you addressed them as your brothers & sisters?"

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.

Personally, I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

Man is incomplete until he is married.
Then he is finished.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.

I've got trouble with the wife again - she came into the bar looking for me and I asked for her number.

The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature.
The new theory is that men don't mature.
So you might as well marry a younger one.

The difference between marriage and death?
Dead people are free.

The days just before marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.
But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

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