Funny definitions

Very short jokes

Have fun with this list of funny definitions about general dating terms.



Attraction - the act of associating horniness with a particular person.

Love at first sight - what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

Dating - the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

Birth control - avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men or spending time around children.

Easy - a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

Prig - a term used to describe a woman who wants to stay virgin until married.

Eye contact - a method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many woman have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

Friend - a member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

Indifference - a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get."

Interesting - a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

Irritating habit - what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

Law of relativity - how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportional to how unattractive your date is.

Nymphomaniac - a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.

Frigid - a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex less often than he does, or who requires more foreplay than lifting her nightgown.

Sober - condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

Nag - a man's term for a woman who wants more to her life with him than just intercourse.


The real meaning of this:

"Yes, dear", Of course, honey", "Mmmnnnn"
actually means ...
Nothing, he is just making noises to keep the peace, and you quiet.

"It is complicated and would take too long to explain."
means...
"I have no idea how it works and need to get out of here, before you figure out that I am clueless."

"It's a great movie."
means...
"It's got guns, knives, violence, blood, gore, flashy cars, and Pamela Anderson and her sister."

"I can't find it, anywhere ..."
means...
"It didn't by some miracle jumped into my hands and I'm not wasting my time by actually searching for it."

"It's a guy thing."
means...
"There is no way to explain it since it has nothing to do with rational thought, and I will sound like an idiot if I try to explain it."

"I'm going fishing."
means...
"I'm going to drink myself into total oblivion, sit by a stream while the fish swim by in absolute safety."

"You look tired, honey, take a break."
means...
"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"I help around the house."
means...
"I once, long ago, took the garbage out."


Kissing definitions:

Prof. of Economics
Kiss is that thing for which the demand is aways higher than the supply.

Prof. of Accountancy
Kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.

Prof. of Algebra
Kiss is infinity because two divided by nothing.

Prof. of Geometry
Kiss is the shortest distance between two lips.

Prof. of Physics
Kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.

Prof. of Chemistry
Kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.

Prof. of Zoology
Kiss is the interchange of salivary bacteria.

Prof. of Physiology
Kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularisoris muscles in the state of contraction.

Prof. of Dentistry
Kiss is infectious and antiseptic.

Prof. of Philosophy
Kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.

Prof. of English
Kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction, it is more common than proper, it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.

Prof. of Architecture
Kiss is a process which builds a solid bond between the two dynamic objects

Prof. of Computer Science
What is a kiss? It seems to be an undefined variable

Prof. of War Studies
Kiss is the friendly initiation of hostility between two rivals and ends with a Bang.




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