Have you been dating for a while and it is just not working for you?
Do you keep on ending up with the same type of bad guy?
Are you questioning yourself and wondering what is wrong with you?
Do you need to change and break bad dating patterns?
Do you find yourself at a place in your life where you realize that something has to change before you can even think of dating again?
You are starting to realize that you are repeatedly attracting wrong people into your life. You keep on repeating bad dating and relationship patterns. You know something is wrong but you don’t know what or how to change it.
Are you ready to take responsibility for your own life?
Ready to break your bad dating patterns?
Ready to get your power back?
Ready to change your dating patterns?
Step 1: Start by looking at your dating history:
What is your dating pattern?
How does your relationships usually start?
What was the main attraction? For you? For him?
At what stage will things usually start to go wrong?
How does it usually end?
Step 2: Become objective.
This is usually the most difficult part: step away from the emotions you are feeling and detach from it. Imagine you are the fly on the wall looking down on this situation. Try to be objective and only focus on the facts. Look but don’t feel.
Acknowledge what you are really feeling: lonely, insecure, unaccepted, unappreciated, rejected, not good enough. Admit to yourself that you are choosing and attracting partners into you life to fill up those gaps in your life. Step away from blaming yourself or your ex-partner. Stop being angry.
You need to break bad dating patterns. Do not remain locked in blaming and feeling like a victim. The pain and hurt that you are feeling and rethinking and rehashing and recycling are wasting energy. Being stuck in negative thought patterns is keeping you from reaching real growth, insight and healing. Learn to use your energy for your own good, not to wallow in old hurt and pain.
See the people you are attracting into your
life for who they really are, and accept their role in giving you’re the
opportunity to learn what you needed to learn. Grow from it and learn
to break bad dating patterns.
Step 3: Be honest and dig deep.
yourself the following questions and answer them as honestly as you
Keep an open mind. It’s only by being totally honest with yourself that you can get to the truth and learn to break bad dating patterns.
What aspect of me made me a victim in this situation?
Are you feeling very needy or lonely?
Are you in the relationship (even if it is bad for you) to fill an emptiness in yourself?
Do you feel you are unworthy of a good, healthy partner and settling for just about anything?
Do you need someone to save you?
What part of me made me attractive to this person?
My ability to take anything? (even if it hurts?)
I don’t expect much from a partner?
I give him what he want without question?
I'm just so happy to get attention from a man?
I'm eager to please?
I let him treat me badly?
I understand and forgive easily?
I bend over backwards to be what he wants me to be?
What are my vulnerabilities? Why?
My sense of self is damaged?
Something bad happened to me and I’m unable to overcome it?
I need to control everything because I feel so vulnerable?
I need someone to make me feel whole?
I’m not strong enough to do it on my own?
What do I need to change in myself in order to be stronger?
Improve how I feel about myself?
Learn to like and love myself?
Learn how to set healthy boundaries?
Change my value-system?
Learn to value myself?
Get to know how to deal with things in a healthy way?
Why have I attracted this person into my life?
I’m used to and comfortable with “bad?”
I’m suppose to learn something from him?
I’m repeating a pattern?
What is the lesson I need to learn from this person/relationship?
I have abandonment issues?
Learn how to say “no?”
How to objectively look at myself and then change?
I am valuable and deserve more?
How to react in a healthy way regarding relationship issues?
What is the role this person played to fulfill their own part in the negative bonding pattern?
Can I accept the role and actions the other person has played in helping me to learn this lesson? How do I do that?
How do I accept that this person needs to follow their own chosen path and discover on their own the consequences of their choices?
How do I let go and accept that I don’t have to reach out, help, advise or teach them a lesson?
How do I let go of any anger towards this person that has helped me learn this lesson? How do I do that?
Spend as much time on this as you need. Dig deep, and keep on digging until you can clearly state what went wrong and what needs to change. If you find it too difficult to be objective and gain insight, talk to a close (wiser) friend or even a counselor about this.
Realize that this process will be difficult. Look at yourself as if you are dealing with a hurt child. Be gentle. You have been making mistakes, making bad choices because you have been hurt and did not heal from that.
Remind yourself that true healing is possible and that love and being loved can be a wonderful place to be at.
You can break bad dating patterns!
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