Betrayed by wife

by Gavin
(Orkney)

My wife has been spending a lot of time with a married co-worker and one of her colleagues tipped me of that something was up. They have been flirting openly in the office.

My wife says nothing happened but that she feel attracted to him. She feels that she hasn't done anything wrong since nothing physical happened between them. She admitted to flirting with him and confessing her attraction to him and also to spending more time with him than she should have.

I always completely trusted her, but feel totally confused now. How should I react to this? How do I trust her after this?


My answer:

Unfortunately something did happen. She betrayed your trust in her, the sacred bond between you. When you marry someone you are bonded on a physical, emotional, spiritual level. You can't break the trust on one level and think that the rest will be exempt.

You need to think about the following: does she have the emotional maturity to realize what she has done to you and your relationship? Is there a problem in your marriage that you are not aware of?

She is reaching out to something that she feels a need for. Perhaps you two need to sit down and have a open, honest conversation about why she would be seeking that from someone else. If you want to walk away, do it now. If, however, you feel that you still want to continue with her, you need to see this as a growth opportunity to learn from this, adapt and find each other again.

Open communication is essential and I would suggest seeing a therapist would greatly help you both to look at this objectively.