Am I ready to move on?

by Adrina
(Huntersville, North Carolina, United States)

I was recently in a relationship that went against my guts...he was a pothead, wasn't a virgin, wasn't religious, no boundaries sexwise and didn't do to well in school. I'm the EXACT opposite of that yet, we still loved each other and lasted for about three months. I broke up with him about two weeks ago because I was always busy with rehearsals and performances and also becase he was ready for things that I wasn't. I didn't want to be a tease. I understand no breakup is a clean one, but he was very upset and two days later got drunk at a party and screwed some girl. Everyone, even his best friend, says I made a good choice in ending it but I think about him still. It still hurts whenever I'm alone and something comes up that reminds me of him, I cringe inside and try not to show my eyes watering. But when I'm with friends I'm happy and I say I'm over him. I feel like it's getting better, like I'm finally realizing it isn't worth being upset. So, recently I befriended one of my ex boyfriends. He's very sweet and we never had any problems in any stage of our relationship. He wanted to know if I wanted to get back together, and I said not now and Idk maybe in the future. Honestly I find myself flirting with many boys and I don't mean to brag but am very sociable with guys. But am I ready to move on? The breakup and some hurtful things being said about me still brings me down. So my question is....Am I emotionally stable enough to move on and start talking to other guys? Help...what do I do? And what do I do with my ex boyfriends stuff, I still have his sweaters and shirts?


My answer:

You are ready when you are able to be with someone new without thinking about your ex. It takes time to get to a point where he isn't dominating all your thoughts anymore.

Don't rush, cry when you need to, but keep on reminding yourself that your perfect partner is somewhere in your future waiting for you when you are ready.

It is hard in the beginning to think about him without crying but as time goes by you will find that you can think about what happened more clearly, to feel thankful about what you learned from that experience and then move along to someone more suitable.

You cared for him, so allow yourself to grieve about what you've lost.

What to do about his things? Pack it up and ask a good friend to deliver it to him. If that is not possible, ask him to fetch it at a time that is convenient for you. Try not to be alone when he comes. Having someone with you will ensure that there is no drama or big scene. Keep it short by saying that you have another appointment.

Hang in there and you will see that, in a while, you are ready and open for someone new.