Abandonment issues

It can sometimes happen that you have been hurt and rejected so many times that you got to a stage where you’ve convinced yourself that there is something wrong with you.

When someone that seems vaguely acceptable, pays you some attention, you became either too clingy, too eager to please or too compliant. You’ll accept anything your partner dishes out as long as you don’t get rejected again and ends up alone again. You have developed abandonment issues.

The most difficult and sad part of this is … it happens mostly on the subconscious level. You suppress your own wants and needs and ignore your inner voice. You ignore your sense of self, your sense of worth.

The only true solution for this is to heal your inner self.

To become strong and self assured. You must and can became healthy enough to only settle for quality and an active and lasting love. Your mind shift begins from the inside-out as you get in touch with who you are, and how you want your life and love to be.

Only when you value yourself, will you be valued.

Ask yourself the following questions:

Clinging behavior and not wanting to be alone, usually develops when you are afraid of being abandoned. Just the slightest hint of rejection can send you off into a state of panic and a desperate scramble to keep your partner by your side. Separated from your own sense of self-worth, you now need other people to make you feel valuable and loved.

This type of behavior and mindset is not healthy, and will only bring that what you fear most into your life: loneliness. Clinging does not make a man more mindful about his relationship with you. If anything, it only makes you look desperate, which will turn him off and causes him to distance even further.

Clinging will cause him to have no respect for you, and he will leave you even before you had the chance to say the word doormat. Alternately, he will see you as easy prey, move in and you will be stuck with him using you!

Are you a bottomless pit?

You expect your partner to be your everything, and to be the supplier of your every emotional need. Your partner will always fall short of being able to “fill you up,” since no one person can be the supplier of everything imaginable. You can never get enough love, attention or appreciation because you will always question his assurances.

You need to strengthen your inner self, become emotionally independent and get yourself to the point where you know that you can survive if he is not there for you.

Find ways to nourish your own self-worth and value. Free yourself from the painful sense of inadequacy.

Are you too compliant?

This is another symptom of being too eager to please.
Ask yourself what is the core reason for your need to please your partner?
Why are you so afraid that he will reject you, if you do not do whatever he wants you to?

Go through the following guidelines for strengthening yourself to help yourself:

• Set limits and boundaries for yourself, as well as for him. Don’t allow yourself or him to cross the limits you’ve set. If he wants you to do something that you don’t want to do, say “no.” Do not negotiate, argue or debate it. Just say “no.”
• Walk away if you partner can’t accept (healthy) boundaries. You made a healthy choice and if he can’t respect that, you are better off without him. You (and your decisions) are valuable – you deserve someone who will respect your limits. He is not the only fish in your sea!
• Be clear about what you want. You know the difference between right and wrong. Always be assertive and express your needs and desires.

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